May It Please The Court

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May It Please The Court
by Leonard Rivkin
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Quote of the Day - I will not file frivolous lawsuits. - Bart Simpson
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"You're Suing Me For What?"

Orange County, California has a new newspaper, the OC Post, that started littering my sidewalk about a week and a half ago.  They're giving it away for free, and charging 25 cents on the newsstand.  Go figure.

So far, I've been throwing it in the trash, along with that other weekly newspaper, the Irvine World News, put out by the same publisher that puts out the Orange County Register.  My better half, Lisa, on the other hand likes the second of the three for its local coverage. 

But the headline quoted above on the front page caught my attention.  I am, after all, a lawyer.  The article features a group of frivolous lawsuits, including a guy who's a Michael Jordan look-alike who's suing .... yep, you guessed it, Michael Jordan.  For $832 million.

I have no idea how he came up with $832 million.  If anything, it's creative.  But that's about it.  According to the article, the look-alike is six inches shorter, twenty-five pounds heavier and eight years older than the real thing.  So he dropped his suit. 

Then there's the lawsuit against Hershey's for lead in its chocolate.  While that may alarm you at first, the amount of lead is no more than naturally occurs in cacao beans and the other ingredients that make up chocolate.  So relax, and dig into that chocolate bar, and save me a piece.

The next one is the suit against apartment complexes for failing to warn their tenants of the dangers of cigarette smoke and engine exhaust.  Last time I thought about it, I already knew that cigarette smoke causes cancer because of the Surgeon General's warning and that exhaust wasn't good for you because I watched CSI (the hose into the car with the windows rolled up trick). 

The article goes on to chronicle extortion lawsuits like the ones brought against liquor stores for failing to advertise that their point-of-sale terminals charged a usage fee, lawsuits suing people who send junk faxes (although that's one I would approve of), and other shakedown lawsuits.

The article was apparently written to highlight the upcoming Lawsuit Awareness Week, scheduled for October 2-6, and sponsored by the Corona Del Mar-based Citizens Against Lawsuit Abuse

Go ahead and make your obligatory lawyer joke here:   just remember you heard it here second, after the OC Post.  But then again, it didn't show up on your driveway, did it?

Posted by J. Craig Williams on Wednesday, September 13, 2006 at 22:25 Comments (0)


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