My hairdresser knows for sure: she tells me I am lucky to sport a full head of hair even though I complain that some of it is gray. My younger brother Todd, on the other hand, inheirited my grandfather's hair: only on the sides and back, none on the top. Chrome dome, in other words. Now don't write in and comment if you're follically (is that a word?) challenged. It's not my fault I'm not bald, and it's not your fault that you are.
But the current economic and subprime mortgage crisis is letting down California lawns. In fact, statistics show that there are more bald spots in California than in any other state. It's a combination of the crisis and the heat. You see we have to water our lawns here in order for the grass to grow.
You thought I was still talking about hair? Catch up here bucko, it's a long, fly ball and the center fielder is still going back. And it's not even summer yet.
In Perris, California - the middle of the Inland Empire - it's hot. To top it off, those whose houses have been foreclosed or are trying to conduct a short sale aren't watering their lawns either. The net result? Brown lawns.
Rush to the rescue with $2 million - yes, you read that right - two million dollars - to spray paint those brown lawns green. Gives a whole new meaning to graffitti by spray paint. Just think of all those kids this program will keep off the streets by moving them to the lawns of Perris.
Two million dollars to spray paint lawns? And it only lasts six months? Why not buy astroturf and make it permanent? The town fathers and mothers say they're stabilizing the neighborhoods.
I just hope none of my bailout money makes it to Perris.